Attention Mongers Crybabies and Dramaheads


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There is an explosive movement spanning the globe in which people are showcasing their pathetic, unimaginative and uneventful lives as though they are somehow uber important and worthy of everyone’s envy and attention. People try to paint up their boringness into a Monet of wonder and majesty because they have nothing better to do than to tell everyone else about THEM and what essentially amounts to some poorly dressed frivolous dog crap.

People want you to know exactly what kind of corn flakes they ate for breakfast and how they felt going down. They want you to know how many times in the last week they stubbed their big toe on Daddy’s luxury chaise lounge and they want you know what funny color Fido’s crap was when he laid it out across the neighbor’s front lawn.

Nobody gives a damn about your crap, or your dog’s for that matter, and if you can’t absorb the common sense gist of that brain wise, you undoubtedly have psych-social issues that need a thorough examining. Fact is, we’re never going to care about it, unless you care to make it interesting by admitting to us you were a lazy piece of crap yourself in not picking up after poor old Fido. Now, that’d be a conversation piece worthy of a compensatory standing ovation. Though too bad you weren’t born clever enough to think it up.

Narcissism is on the up and up and there are vast platforms available upon which we can scream from the top of our lungs to the entire world that WE ARE SOMEBODY and we DESERVE everyone’s attention. We’re on Facebook and Twitter telling people to come and look at our thespian-style pictures, to care about our one-sided agendas, and we encourage people to come and polish off and prop up our deteriorating egos.

I understand that Facebook and Twitter are invaluable as far as establishing social connections and as you all know, I use them both myself. It would be preposterous for me to stand here alone in crude judgment while I use them to push my own agenda in promoting this site. However, I understand the necessary measures of propriety involved in reciprocating by promoting other people and their agendas as well as my own, and actually engaging with them and ACKNOWLEDGING their agendas.

Let me tell you, in this day and age, that’s almost a damn rare thing.

People need a lesson on how to become more socially aware of the 6.7 billion other people out there on this planet who also exist. They need to know that they aren’t the center of the universe and that the world isn’t center stage for all the stupid inane dog manure they insist upon spewing out of every hole in their face. They need to be less preoccupied with being selfish crappers and start doing something around here that actually means something.

Here are some tried and true methods in getting that sock lodged down your throat and getting your ears tuned into a higher frequency:

  • Gain a purpose in life.

Try going out in the world and doing something to benefit mankind. Like campaigning against a cause you strongly oppose or helping out your fellow man in need. You can start by actually finding a cause that doesn’t revolve around you and your bull$hit gossiping, trash talking and acting a purposefully pompous social retard.

Try doing things for other people for once and try catching and bottling the goodness in the feelings that derive from it. That’s if you think you can handle doing something righteous for a change.

  • You do not have haters, people just think you’re a total ass.

Understand once and for all that the reason people “hate” on you is because you hate on everything and everyone else. Just because things don’t go your way and you feel that people owe you the skin off their rear ends and because they don’t give it to you it means there’s something wrong with them. Nope, the truth is there’s something wrong with you.

We’re not hating on you because you’re hot, showy and bad ass. We’re hating on you because you essentially suck. Your attitude stinks, your ego is insurmountable, and your know-it-all expertise is enough to make us puke.

Exercise some humility and get over it. You are a complete a-hole.

  • Get some class and the gumption to employ it.

Get the hell off Twitter and Facebook if all you can talk about is far how womens vaginas can stretch, how far you’ve stretched them, and that all women are good for in this world is a good vaginal stretching.

Can it if all you can do is broadcast the circular dysfunction of your relationship with your losery douche every five minutes announcing that you’re breaking up because he gave you genital warts and then making up and he’s now suddenly moving back in because you’re an idiot.

Save it if you have to get on there and start beefing yourself up and bragging about how real you are, how hard you are, and how much respect you demand and deserve.

People who deserve respect don’t have to tell everyone to give it. They already get it.

  • Acknowledge once and for all that your $hit stinks, JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE.

You are not above the fray as far as being a superhuman who possesses the powers of which are only privy to you and the divination. Quite the contrary, you eat, sleep, breathe and lay out crap just like everybody else. Just because your hair is perfect, your butt is pert, and you have a six figure salary doesn’t make you a supreme being above the whole of man.

Get off your high horse and quit pretending that filling the void in your life is by virtue of looking down your nose at other people and quit actually believing that because everyone is “beneath” you, you’re going to somehow keep yourself in a karmically better place. You too are going to end up old, feeble, ugly, crotchety, sick and undesirable someday along with the rest of us.

  • Shut the eff up.

Shut your pie hole and let other people have their say and for once, try listening. People who talk the loudest are the least acknowledged and the most misunderstood. You can never truly lead without following first and if you can’t learn from other people who have experience and knowledge to share, you will never gain anything. Especially, anything as far as respect as admiration from the general good.

I’m not talking about people pleasing or being a butt kisser. I’m talking about being empathetic and mindful of others and the situations in their lives. It’s called consideration and it is an extension of kindness and regard. If you want praise and veneration, you have to give it in order to receive it.

People shouldn’t have to run each other over like wild animals to get in the spotlight, and narcissists seem to be void of any inclination to give the people in their lives the leeway and the “permission” to be of service to anyone else. They are jackasses who bring us down by kicking us in the pants when we don’t mold ourselves to fit securely around their agendas and ideals.

The fact is, they are suffering in their own prison of dismal unimportance and they are confounded with an unfillable gaping hole cast right down the middle of their destitute souls. They long for people to want them because they don’t really want themselves.

Narcissism isn’t cool and it isn’t brave or awesome. The fact of the matter is, it sucks rotten eggs. Get a life and get over it. The world doesn’t owe you the sweat off a pig’s ass.

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